Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter (2001)

Director
Lee Demarbre

Main cast
Phil Caracas; Murielle Varhelyi; Maria Moulton; Tim Devries; Ian Driscoll

Genres
Action, Comedy, Horror

Description
The first testament says "an eye for an eye." - The second testament says "love thy neighbour." - The third testament ... Kicks Ass!!!


Similar movies

Reclusive vampires lounge in a lonely American town. They wear sun cream to protect themselves. A descendant of Van Helsing arrives with hilarious consequences.
Rose Hathaway is a Dhampir, half human/vampire, guardians of the Moroi, peaceful, mortal vampires living discretely within our world. Her legacy is to protect the Moroi from bloodthirsty, immortal Vampires, the Strigoi. This is her story.
Blonde, bouncy Buffy is your typical high school cheerleader-- her goal is to "marry Christian Slater and die" and nothing gets in her way when it's time to shop. But all that changes when a strange man informs her she's been chosen by fate to kill vampires. With the help of a romantic rebel, Buffy is soon spending school nights protecting L.A. from Lothos, the Vampire King, his sidekick. Lefty and their determined gang of bloodsuckers. It's everything you'd expect from a teen queen in the Valley.
A vampire hunter in southern California discovers that his son has been murdered by a gang of the undead and thus goes on a quest for revenge.
Scientists Werner Amadeus, son of Count Dracula,worked on an anti-sun formula for vampires. He moves to Cuba with his nephew Joseph Emanuel. Joseph grows drinking the formula and forgets his origin, becoming Pepe, a trumpet player mixed up with revolutionaries in 1933 Havana. Soon he will be in the middle of a dispute for his uncle formula between vampire factions from USA, the Capa Nostra Society, and from Europe, the Vampiro Group.
Modern grave robbing "archeologists" find perfectly preserved specimens from the past of a man, a woman, and their child. Unbeknownst to the scientist and his two bumbling assistants, these are vampires immobilized only by the paper spells pasted on their foreheads. While transporting the child to a buyer, its spell blows off and the vampire child escapes and befriends some local children. Eventually, the parent vampires are also awakened and escape, but by now the local herbalist is on their trail to destroy them.
The planned reburial of a village elder goes awry as the corpse resurrects into a hopping, bloodthirsty vampire, threatening mankind. Therefore, a Taoist Priest and his two disciples attempt to stop the terror.
Maximillian, the lone survivor of a race of vampires, comes to Brooklyn in search of a way to live past the next full moon. His ticket to survival is Rita, a NYPD detective who doesn't know she's half vampire -- and Maximillian will do whatever's necessary to put her under his spell.
A publishing executive is visited and bitten by a vampire and starts exhibiting erratic behavior. He pushes his secretary to extremes as he tries to come to terms with his affliction. The vampire continues to visit and drink his blood, and as his madness deepens, it begins to look as if some of the events he's experiencing may be hallucinations.
A noted professor and his dim-witted apprentice fall prey to their inquiring vampires, while on the trail of the ominous damsel in distress.
In her crumbling castle on a remote English island, the vampire countess Morticia D'Ath concocts her sinister plan. With her zombie henchman Grunt, and alchemist Dr. N. Sane, she aims to make all Vampirekind immune to the fatal effects of sunlight! Caught up in her evil plan are two bickering office workers and an enigmatic demon hunter, who must desperately fight to rid the world of Morticia's terrifyingly evil vampire army. Filled to its rotting rafters with creepy comical characters and plenty of exploding vampires, this cult English comedy is a laugh-packed send-up of every vampire film you've ever loved and a must-have movie for your DVD collection!
Follow the lives of Viago, Deacon, and Vladislav - three flatmates who are just trying to get by and overcome life's obstacles-like being immortal vampires who must feast on human blood. Hundreds of years old, the vampires are finding that beyond sunlight catastrophes, hitting the main artery, and not being able to get a sense of their wardrobe without a reflection, modern society has them struggling with the mundane like paying rent, keeping up with the chore wheel, trying to get into nightclubs, and overcoming flatmate conflicts.
Heading through Colorado Territory in search of gold and women, Alferd Packer and his group of bemused companions find themselves lost, starving and musically inspired by the obstacles they confront along the way, including a die-hard Confederate cyclops, a trio of surly trappers, a tribe of Japanese-speaking "Indians," and ultimately, each other.
Rock Opera version of Phantom Of The Opera with elements of Faust. Record producer Swan steals both the music and the girl (Phoenix) from composer Leach. Disfigured Leach plans revenge on Swan and his rock palace, The Paradise, and becomes The Phantom. Leach signs contract with Swan to complete rock opera based on the life of Faust for Phoenix. Double crossed by Swan who hires heavy metal singer Beef, Leach exacts his vengeance.
The story revolves around a Basque Roman Catholic priest dedicated to committing as many sins as possible (Angulo), a death metal salesman from Carabanchel (Segura), and the Italian host of a TV show on the occult (De Razza). These go on a literal "trip" through Christmas-time Madrid to hunt for and prevent the reincarnation of the Antichrist.
Four vampires move into a large house in an American town. Led by the seducive Regina, they seem to be particularly interested in Charlie and his girlfriend Alex, since Charlie killed Regina's brother. Charlie is bitten by her and transformed into a vampire. She kidnaps him and takes him to the house. Is this the end for Charlie?
A mother and her two teenage sons move to a seemingly nice and quiet small coastal California town yet soon find out that it's overrun by bike gangs and vampires. A couple of teenage friends take it upon themselves to hunt down the vampires that they suspect of a few mysterious murders and restore peace and calm to their town.
The modern-day story focuses on two beautiful young vampires who are living the good nightlife in New York until love enters the picture and each has to make a choice that will jeopardize their immortality.
Two teens battle their way through a religious apocalypse on a mission to defeat the Antichrist.
With their women having been enslaved by a pack of lesbian vampires, the remaining menfolk of a rural town send two hapless young lads out onto the moors as a sacrifice.
Becca, an anxious, non-vampire teen is torn between two boys. Before she can choose, Becca must get around her controlling father, who embarrasses Becca by treating her like a child. Meanwhile, Becca's friends contend with their own romantic issues - all of which collide at the prom.
Nobody believes teenager Charley Brewster (William Ragsdale) when he discovers that his suave new neighbor, Jerry Dandridge (Chris Sarandon), is a vampire. So when the bloodsucker starts stalking Charley, he turns to has-been actor Peter Vincent (Roddy McDowall), famed for portraying a ghoul hunter. Unfortunately for the would-be vampire slayers, Dandridge has set his sights on Charlie's girlfriend in this clever spoof of the horror genre.
Vampires terrorize a city in Norrbotten, Sweden.
A young man searches for the "master" to obtain the final level of martial arts mastery known as the glow. Along the way he must fight an evil martial arts expert and rescue a beautiful singer from an obsessed music promoter.
A mosquito from Transylvania finds its way to Seoul where it bites Na Do-yol, a corrupt police officer. Soon after he begins to develop a thirst for blood, and finds out that he has vampire super powers whenever he becomes sexually aroused. When Do-yol's past misdeeds come back to threaten his partner and girlfriend, he decides to clean up his act and sets out for revenge.
The story of seven scholars (including Danny Kaye and Benny Goodman) in search of an expert to teach them about swing music. They seem to have found the perfect candidate in winsome nightclub singer Honey Swanson (Virginia Mayo). But Honey's gangster boyfriend doesn't want to give her up.
Tough-as-nails vampire hunter Derek Bliss is on the hunt for "suckers" in the heart of Mexico when he receives a new assignment from a mysterious client. Thrown together with a group of slayers, including sexy Zooey, who may or may not be one of the undead. Derek and company are up against a growing number of fast-moving, bloodthirsty vampires and their elusive and powerful leader.
In the year 2019, a plague has transformed almost every human into vampires. Faced with a dwindling blood supply, the fractured dominant race plots their survival; meanwhile, a researcher works with a covert band of vampires on a way to save humankind.
Vampires have come out of the shadows and are living as normal citizens. Two policemen, one a vampire, are assigned to track down a serial killer who tears the throat of his victims and drains their blood.
Set in Middle America, a group of teens receive an online invitation for sex, though they soon encounter Christian fundamentalists with a much more sinister agenda.
In 17th century China, zombies and vampires roamed the lands, feeding on the unsuspecting. A group of martial artists / vampire hunters find themselves employed by a very rich - and very insane - old man who has kept everyone of his relatives preserved in wax and not buried. Apparently it is his family's tradition. So, having generations of potential zombies in your cellar may not be the smartest idea ever, but it takes two to tango. In this case, a thief wants the old-man's treasure and hires a zombie-wrangler to re-animate the waxed up relatives in order to sneak into the mansion and steal the treasure. It's up to the kung-fu fighting vampire hunters to save the day (or night).
A rare mutation has occurred within the vampire community - The Reaper. A vampire so consumed with an insatiable bloodlust that they prey on vampires as well as humans, transforming victims who are unlucky enough to survive into Reapers themselves. Blade is asked by the Vampire Nation for his help in preventing a nightmare plague that would wipe out both humans and vampires.
When Blade's mother was bitten by a vampire during pregnancy, she did not know that she gave her son a special gift while dying: All the good vampire attributes in combination with the best human skills. Blade and his mentor Whistler battle an evil vampire rebel (Deacon Frost) who plans to take over the outdated vampire council, capture Blade and resurrect voracious blood god La Magra.
Vlad Tepes is a great hero, but when he learns the Sultan is preparing for battle and needs to form an army of 1,000 boys, including Vlad's son, he vows to find a way to protect his family. Vlad turns to dark forces in order to get the power to destroy his enemies and agrees to go from hero to monster as he's turned into the mythological vampire Dracula.
Martin was a normal teenage boy before the country collapsed in an empty pit of economic and political disaster. A vampire epidemic has swept across what is left of the nation's abandoned towns and cities, and it's up to Mister, a death dealing, rogue vampire hunter, to get Martin safely north to Canada, the continent's New Eden.
Juno Mak’s debut feature Rigor Mortis is an eerie and chilling, contemporary action- and special effects-laden homage to the classic Chinese vampire movies of the 1980s.
The church enlists a team of vampire-hunters to hunt down and destroy a group of vampires searching for an ancient relic that will allow them to exist in sunlight.
An American muay-thai fighter in Thailand must join forces with a group of vampire hunters to track down and kill a vampire lord who has kidnapped his gilfriend.
In an alternate world, humanity and vampires have warred for centuries. After the last Vampire War, the veteran Warrior Priest lives in obscurity with other humans inside one of the Church's walled cities. When the Priest's niece is kidnapped by vampires, the Priest breaks his vows to hunt them down. He is accompanied by the niece's boyfriend, who is a wasteland sheriff, and a former Warrior Priestess.
A young man is in a race against time as he searches for a cure after becoming infected with a virus that will eventually turn him into a blood-sucking vampire.
For years, Blade has fought against the vampires in the cover of the night. But now, after falling into the crosshairs of the FBI, he is forced out into the daylight, where he is driven to join forces with a clan of human vampire hunters he never knew existed - The Nightstalkers. Together with Abigail and Hannibal, two deftly trained Nightstalkers, Blade follows a trail of blood to the ancient creature that is also hunting him, the original vampire, Dracula.
Professor Van Helsing had been asked to help against the tyranny of skeletal creatures that are responsible for terror and death amongst the peasants in rural China. He is the only person qualified to deal with the cause of these phenomena, for the undead are controlled by the most diabolical force of all.... Count Dracula. But he is not alone- to aid him comes a mystical brotherhood of seven martial arts warriors.
In eighteenth century Romania, Rayne, a dhampir (half-human, half-vampire), prone to fits of blind blood rage but saddled with a compunction for humans, strives to avenge her mother's rape by her father, Kagan, King of Vampires. Two vampire hunters, Sebastian and Vladimir, from the Brimstone Society persuade her to join their cause.
A space shuttle mission investigating Halley's Comet brings back a malevolent race of space vampires who transform most of London's population into zombies. The only survivor of the expedition and British authorities attempt to capture a mysterious but beautiful alien woman who appears responsible.
Jack Cutter is the last in long line of vampire hunters. After killing few vampires in one L.A. restaurant, he is chased both by police and by other vampires. In the process he meets an attractive woman-reporter.
A bible professor from the 1890s travels forward in time about 100 years to discover what effects his manuscript had on the world.
The first of what Luis Buñuel later proclaimed a trilogy (along with The Discreet Charm of the Bourgeoisie and The Phantom of Liberty) about “the search for truth,” The Milky Way (La voie lactee) daringly deconstructs contemporary and traditional views on Catholicism with ribald, rambunctious surreality. Two French beggars, present-day pilgrims en route to Spain’s holy city of Santiago de Compostela, serve as Buñuel’s narrators for an anticlerical history of heresy, told with absurdity and filled with images that rank among Buñuel’s most memorable (stigmatic children, crucified nuns) and hilarious (Jesus considering a good shave). A diabolically entertaining look at the mysteries of fanaticism, The Milky Way remains a hotly debated work from cinema’s greatest skeptic.
This morning they were playing ping-pong in the hospital rec room. Now they're lost in New York and framed for murder. This was never covered in group therapy.
A coming of age story about a shy teenage boy trying to escape from the influence of his domineering mother. His world changes when he begins to work for a retired actress.
Aaron Davis (Steve Sandvoss) and Christian Markelli (Wes Ramsey) are the two most opposite people in the world. Aaron is a young Elder (or a Mormon missionary) who wants to do his family proud and is quite passionate about his religion and film. Christian is a shallow WeHo waiter/party boy who only looks forward to bedding a new guy every night.
"My Babysitter's a Vampire," a comedic spin on pop culture vampires and scary movies in general, tells the story of three teens who believe their new babysitter is a real bloodsucking creature of the night -- and it's now up to them to rid their sleepy little town of the menace.
When Mangus Spedgwick suffers an unforeseen tragedy that causes him to lose the role of Jesus in his high school's production of Jesus Christ Superstar, he fights with all he's got to get back the part, and carry on the family tradition.
It's almost graduation day for high school seniors Troy, Gabriella, Sharpay, Chad, Ryan and Taylor ? and the thought of heading off in separate directions after leaving East High has these Wildcats thinking they need to do something they'll remember forever. Together with the rest of the Wildcats, they stage a spring musical reflecting their hopes and fears about the future and their unforgettable experiences growing up together. But with graduation approaching and college plans in question, what will become of the dreams, romances, and friendships of East High's senior Wildcats?
Paul and Eddie have just begun previews for the new Off-Broadway musical "Adam and Steve Just the Way God Made 'Em." Their lives strangely mirror the characters they are playing. Paul is looking for the perfect man and Eddie is dealing with how his sexuality and faith can mix
An updated version of the 1980 musical, which centered on the students of the New York Academy of Performing Arts.
An alienated and misanthropic teenager gains sudden and unwanted celebrity status after he's taken hostage by terrorists where his indifference to their threats to kill him makes news headlines.
Scooby and the gang are attending a concert at Vampire Rock, Australia when the Yowie Yahoo vampire starts kidnapping the musicians.
Manchester 1976: Cambridge educated Tony Wilson, Granada TV presenter, is at a Sex Pistols gig. Totally inspired by this pivotal moment in music history, he and his friends set up a record label, Factory Records, signing first Joy Division (who go on to become New Order) then James and the Happy Mondays, who all become seminal artists of their time. What ensues is a tale of music, sex, drugs, larger-than-life characters, and the birth of one of the most famous dance clubs in the world, The Hacienda - a mecca for clubbers as famous as the likes of Studio 54. Graphically depicting the music and dance heritage of Manchester from the late 70's to the early 90's, this comedy documents the vibrancy that made Mad-chester the place in the world that you would most like to be.
This consists of four short films by different directors. Rosselini's 'Chastity' ('Illibatezza') deals with an attractive air hostess who receives the unwelcome attentions of a middle aged American. Godard's 'New World' ('Il Nuovo Mondo') illustrates a post-apocalypse world the same as the pre-apocalyptic one but for an enigmatic change in attitude in most people, including the central character's girlfriend. In Pasolini's 'Curd Cheese' ('La Ricotta'), a lavish film about the life of Jesus Christ is being made in a poor area. The impoverished people subject themselves to various indignities in the name of moviemaking in order to win a little food. The central character is hoisted up on a cross for filming, and dies there. Finally comes Gregoretti's 'Free Range Chicken' ('Il Pollo Ruspante') in which a family of the materialist culture inadvertantly illustrate the cynical, metallic voiced doctrine of a top sales theorist.

© Valossa 2015–2019